Ever tried dressing yourself in the morning & mysteriously become surrounded by a hoard of clothes?
Ever have a vision for that day’s outfit, only to have it totally NOT work the way you expected it to?
Ever change your clothes 10+ times in one morning?
Every cry real tears over this?
I’m not saying that only enneagram 4’s experience this…actually, I think most women (& some men) have gone through this at one point or another. HOWEVER, 4’s are particularly known for their deep inward desire to be seen…and when the driving force behind it is that “being seen = being known” clothes become less trivial and more crucial to how others see and perceive you in the world. Your outfits become a reflection of who you are, and if you’re not standing out, if no one is noticing you, are you even anyone at all?
Welcome to the mind of a 4.
I recently shared a little bit about the growth I’ve been experiencing in regards to all my 4 downfalls, one of them being the need to dress outlandish in order to “stand out.” This kind of originated when I went away to college. I didn’t know anyone & I found it difficult to get others to notice me, which in turn made me feel invisible. I wasn’t anybody unless somebody was giving me the attention that I craved, unless I STOOD OUT from the crowd. So what ended up happening was that I found a few “hip” friends, discarded all my Hollister, Abercrombie, Ugg brand things (you know, the “basic” clothes that I brought from when I was in high school & only wanted to fit in…opposite of what I was trying to do now) and started thrifting, dressing in old lady dresses, wearing head wraps & beanies, and mis-matching patterns and styles…basically becoming the ultimate hipster.
Remember when I told you that the goal was to get noticed? Well, it worked.
I quickly became known as *that* girl…the one who seemed so super confident in herself on the outside, confident enough that she would walk out of her dorm dressed so outlandish and not be afraid of what other’s thought. I had girls ALWAYS telling me upon meeting me that they secretly admired my outfits from afar, referred to me as “the girl with the cute outfits,” telling me they had closet envy + wishing they could “pull it off.”
Certain guys started becoming interested in me because of the way I dressed. It was a whole thing. And I felt validated.
Except I wasn’t confident at all which was why I was so insane with making sure I stood out. Not being caught dead in sweatpants during my period or in basic jeans when it was freezing out. It didn’t matter if I liked it…if everyone else was wearing it, I couldn’t. That would be like relinquishing my brand, my identity, my place in the universe.
But NOW…now is so much different & for that I am so thankful. I haven’t abandoned my love of style & self-expression…I’ve simply become more okay with wearing what makes me feel like I can thrive without being so concerned with standing out. I love basic colors and patterns now. I love myself enough to not worry about drawing attention through my clothes when I can easily do that with my words and actions.
So, in the spirit of growth, here are some of my more *memorable* outfits from the cdays mentioned above (and beyond…because this phase peppered itself throughout my life post-college). Enjoy.
Some of these I’d totally still wear. Others…absolutely not.
I’ll just save those for the next time I descend into the downfalls of being a 4.
B.
The Call and the Chronicle 